I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
