I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
