Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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