they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
