Just cropdusted the office
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
