You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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