I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
