Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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