Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
