You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
