My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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