I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
