Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize