now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
