I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
