just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
