so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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