My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
