god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
