Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
