If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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