who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
