He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
