I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
