haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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