White coat. Heels.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
