The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
