that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
