Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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