Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
