I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
