I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
