Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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