I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize