I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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