Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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