fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
