omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
