I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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