Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
