I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize