It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
