Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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