i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
