im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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