Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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