and you said cock pushups were impossible
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
