Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
