The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
