just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
