how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
