I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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