Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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