Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
did i just pee glitter
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
