If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
