i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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