forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
