It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Randomize
