Christians are straight up FREAKS
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
