Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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