was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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