What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
