my phone needs a breathalizer
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
