then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
