I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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