there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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