i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
