How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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