Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
